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this is not a suicide note

by kaia morningside

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about

for the people who keep me going , including everyone who listens to this

lyrics

This is not a suicide note
this is not a swan song
this is not a "my-mother-found-him-when-she-went-to-wake-him-up-for-school-and-this-is-all-there-was-left"
this is not a suicide note
this is, however, an
All-is-said-and-done
passport to a new life
a new world, even.
this is a goodbye.
this is a peace out
To all of the late night phone calls that went unanswered because
goddamnit I just don't have time for this tonight
this is a goodbye to him and to her and her, too.
this is goodbye to holes and cuts and burns in my arms
goodbye to pushing milligrams of me back in to myself even though they weren't there in the first place
this is a goodbye to my only hope of getting home when I get lost
Goodbye to dopesickness
Goodbye to crying and
goodbye to everything that ever made me fucking cry
goodbye to every boy who ever touched me without my permission and every girl I was too afraid to kiss
this is a sionara
adios
au revoir to every porch light left on when we snuck out
goodbye to mom finding out where I was last night
goodbye to heroin
goodbye to acid
goodbye to coke
goodbye to weed
goodbye to mushrooms
goodbye to E
goodbye to DMT
goodbye to amphetamines
goodby to everything I needed to be at 2 am when no one else could remind me what I already was
goodbye to every last-resort decision
goodbye to every fuck it
goodbye to her laugh
his voice
her absent mind
her curly hair
his soothing songs
her knocked-me-on-my-feet beauty
goodbye to concerts with people I didn't love but music that made me want to love them
goodbye to being misgendered and misnamed and invalidation
goodbye to goodbyes

this poem is a lot of things
but it is NOT a suicide note
because I promised all of you that I would never write one of those again

credits

released September 29, 2015
thanks, everyone.

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kaia morningside Portland, Pennsylvania

queer earthling from north eastern pennsylvania. i like poetry and illegal substances.

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